The party organ of the JuJu Tribe, the confusingly named “Kammebalango Kryer” (spelled one letter differently from the capital’s daily newspaper) has made some provocative claims of late. Some excerpts:

Nov. 24, 1969
“...President Ukele has problems. He has health problems from fallen arches & flat feet to venereal disease. President Ukele has succession problems. His son, Urkle, Minister of Defense, is not able to fill his father’s orthopedic shoes. The country of Kammebalango has inflation rate of 101.1% AND the main exports, salt water & monkey dung, has gotten no where in international markets. In short it is expected that President Ukele will fall early next year...”

Nov. 25, 1969
“...Ukhan, half brother of Ukulele (Minister of Culture), was seen fleeing into the jungle, The Mighty Jungle. It seem that Ukhan was responsible for setting up sham organizations like the Matangan United Popular Party Evangelical Triumvirate, Biafra Organized & Armed Resistance, and Popular Front of Warm Fuzzies to defraud tens of people of their life savings. Total take is estimated to be $57.22 U.S. Chief of Police, Ustop, half brother of Urkle (Minister of Defense), said “Once he is in the jungle, especially The Mighty Jungle, then the law of the jungle is now responsible. My jurisdiction stops in Kinshasha”...